From The Heart

I have to share what is on my heart this morning. 
For all of you who know me well, you know I have a big heart. 
It goes way beyond the need for furry kittens, babies & helping others.
I have a heart to love on people, always ask for forgiveness & make things right, and not be a burden to others. 

However, I personally struggle with the fear of burdening my loved ones & close friends. 
It breaks my heart to have to point out & scold people for not following strict rules when it comes to safe food handling and preparing. It is embarrassing to have to explain to a large crowd of people why they can't just reach their hands into a bag of potato chips.  
It pains me to have to watch as my friends & family consume my favorite food while I am stuck with a plain gluten free sandwich. It gives me a huge amount of anxiety to have to call ahead, search out restaurants before & wait long periods of time for an over priced meal. 
To have to watch as my loved ones have to go way out of their way just for me. 
I don't want to be different, I want to be the same, like everyone else! 
I want the fear and anxiety to disappear & to be normal again. 

This is the struggle I face every single day. 

I am not overly strict! 
I am not doing this for attention! 
I do not have a choice! 

It is far from easy. 
I made the mistake of assuming that the gluten free diet meant that it will take away ALL of your symptoms but the truth is, they never really go away, In fact they may even come every few months in a form of new unusual symptoms that may cause you more anxiety. 
I should have NEVER taken for granted the fully rested, fully awake feeling, because now I am fatigued 24/7. To be able to remember something that happened just a day ago, would be a huge blessing. 
The Struggle Is Real & I Am A Warrior!
Fighting is not an option for me, it's mandatory. I have a responsibility to myself, to feed my body food it needs to stay healthy not poison. So despite what my heart longs for, I have to keep fighting and pushing through each day. 

I truly believe in my heart of hearts that God allows only the strong, to battle invisible autoimmune diseases. It is not for the weak! You're not alone, I understand.

Consider Myself Blessed
Normally, I would tell someone who can eat what ever they want where ever they want that they are blessed or to consider themselves blessed but I am blessed too. 
I am blessed because God chose to show me why I was so very sick quickly without having me go from doctor to doctor to find out. He chose to give me a disease that is manageable via the gluten free diet. Even though I cannot eat anywhere I want or what ever I want, I consider myself blessed in that aspect. It's just hard to swallow it down sometimes. 


If you have Celiacs Disease or any other auto immune disease, what do you find are your challenges you face daily?. Please share your heart with me by commenting below.