Friday, April 21, 2017

I will let you in on a little secret of mine

It has been 4 years that I have been completely gluten free and I can tell you with full confidence that it has been quite a journey. It has had it's ups an it's downs. This journey has filled my heart with such joy & also tore it into pieces at the same time. I have laughed & I have cried, but this path that I have taken has allowed me to meet such amazing people. I now have more friends than I ever thought possible, all because of this disease and my willingness to help. 

But despite how it may look on the outside, I have been battling a darkness inside of me ever since diagnosis. There is a war going on in my mind and it keeps me up most nights. My thoughts are not my own anymore, they are made up of lies. My mind is negatively creative and knows just what to imagine up, to bring fear into every part of my being. It knows exactly what buttons to press & presses it continually. I am a prisoner of my own mind and I have chained myself to my own fears. 
The day I got diagnosed is the day my life completely changed.  

My health was always precious to me, even growing up. My brother would get the flu and it would send me into a complete panic. Now I realize that the battle that I am facing on a daily basis is Anxiety & Hypochondria. What used to just be a normal periodic fear, is now in my face 24/7. 
You can't really explain this to anyone who hasn't experienced anxiety first hand. 
But, for those of you who have experienced this or continue to battle it, you are not alone. 
I know it may feel like we have trapped ourselves in a black small corner, but truth be told, 
we are far from alone. 

Celiacs is not the end of the world, even though it can cause many scary diseases and be the root to a lot of unexplained issues & symptoms, we shouldn't fear it.  

I am uncomfortable writing this because it exposes the very thing that has bound me for many years, but I am not ashamed of it anymore and I want others to know, that having anxiety with Celiacs is absolutely normal. It's okay to worry, but it's not okay to let it take over your life.  
 I am personally at a point in my life where I want my joy back!! 

God has allowed us to have Celiacs Disease for a reason. We must look at this disease in a fresh new light.       
                                    "How can we serve others who have Celiac Disease?" 
                                  "What positive things have come out of this diagnosis?" 
                                         "Am I healthier being on a gluten free diet?"  

Strength comes when you face your adversity, and what is holding you back and you say, 
"You will no longer control me, this is my life and I will live it & enjoy it." 

Raise the white flag in your mind and shut this war down! 
We can make up imaginary situations/problems but more than likely it really isn't that severe. 

I am down right sick of not being in control of my emotions, & my thoughts.   If you suffer from anxiety or hypochondria, let this be a hope to you. 
We must break through our protective shell, expose the enemy who has kept us in the dark and fed us lies for this long.                                           We deserve better! 
                                   We will not give up, we are warriors & warriors win the battle!  

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